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Post by Flame on Jul 27, 2011 13:50:00 GMT -8
 
Lokin found herself again in the dinning hall. She was hungry. As always. In the last month she’d only grown more hungry. Of course she knew why. X’lan had agreed with her, though she didn’t want to say anything. She was… scared about the fact. She moved carefully, always conscious of her body, and where it was. She’d been doing pretty well in controlling her emotions, and thank goodness there was no need for her to fight thread at this time. Athenath was on the ground, and Dianath wouldn’t fight thread if her sister wasn’t going to either.
Lokin was craving, pickles, and well… Eggs. And klah. Which she usually hated. She grabbed all three, and headed for the head table, slipping into her seat. She hadn’t slept well at all last night, having to use the bath room every hour or so. She found herself stairing at her plate, and not noticing who else was around. She was tired, and hungry. Finally she decided she did have to eat. Though she doubted she was eating enough. She did try though. She could only eat so much. And then she threw up. Which X’lan said, she had to eat after that. She really really really didn’t like it that he was right either. Being Pregnant was way to much work, expecially if you were keeping it a secret, though she knew she didn’t have any more time to decide. Tell someone or get rid of it. The very thought was revolting. Kill her own child? She knew every woman had a right to choose, but for the weyrwoman, there wasn’t really a choice. She just didn’t know what to do.
Sadrith, love? I believe Mine needs yours… She’s in the dinning hall. She… isn’t feeling well. Athenath decided to take matters into her own claws, tired of Lokin dancing around the subject. Though Athenath was currently moving around her weyr, restlest. There would be eggs on the sands soon, and she was lumpy, with eggs. Quite a few by the looks of it. Dianath was sitting on the edge of the weyr watching the going on’s. amused at hers and her sister.
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Post by Flame on Jul 28, 2011 18:01:21 GMT -8
Lokin caught site of V’ktor coming in and glared at her food. You didn’t. she growled to her queen. Athenath’s reaction was typical. You need him. You can’t do that on your own. Even I can’t make my eggs with out Sadrith. It’s the males job to protect, and feed. The look on Lokin’s face was something between revulsion and amusement. Don’t forget friendship, and comfort. Geeze, Sis, don’t be literal. Our’s isn’t a dragon. Dianath said swiftly as she moved back into her weyr, nuzzling her sister.
Lokin sighed when V’ktor came over, and nodded. ”Good Afternoon.” she said back, not exactly a mutter, but it was close. She picked up a slice of pickle and decided to eat it. ”I noticed. Only I believe it was a bronze who told you.” she corrected him, with ease, not exactly happy he was there, but more relaxed. If that made sence. ”And it’s nothing that taking care of myself won’t fix.” not exactly a lie… though it would probably take… eight more months of taking care of herself, but still. She was right.
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Post by Flame on Jul 29, 2011 6:10:34 GMT -8
She was half paying attention to V’ktor, because Dianath and Athenath were arguing over weather Lokin would understand the dragon mates thing. And she was trying to get them to just shut up. Not working. SHUT UP! You are making my head hurt! that made the twins shut up… For all of two seconds. Then they went back to arguing. She shook her head slightly and tried to come back to the present, some how remembering what V’ktor had just said. ”True.” Which only made her more annoyed at the smaller gold.
Then he offered to leave. And asked her if she wanted to. She stopped the panic from showing, but only by a little. ”N… No.” well ok, she failed, at least in her voice, and she glared down at the her plate of food, annoyed at herself. X’lan had told her to tell him. And that if she didn’t he WOULD. And it wasn’t as nice to get that kind of information from anyone but her. At least for V’ktor. Who’d only been helping. Lokin closed her eyes, trying to figure out what to say.
”I’m not… exactly ill. Though I don’t feel well either.” she said softly, still unsure how to say it.
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Post by Flame on Jul 30, 2011 18:41:52 GMT -8
Lokin blinked at his reaction. He hadn’t left. Some how that calmed her a bit. Not much, but a bit. She took a breath as he spoke. And then nodded to his comment about her food. How could she explain that there was something in the nasty klah that she was craving? Or the pickles? Or the eggs? How could she explain that? Easily, but she wasn’t comfortable doing it here. She eyed her food again, deciding the feeling in her gut was one of, ‘don’t you dare eat any more’. Which only frustraited her, because trying to follow X’lan’s orders was hard enough when she could barely keep it all down half the time.
She could feel the eyes, but they were always there. Always. She’d been watched like that for ever. The Weyr needed to know it’s Weyrwoman was fine. And so they watched her. And V’ktor now. Only she knew the eyes on him were more hostile. Because she hadn’t… accepted him fully, like the rest of the weyr. It all depended on her. She really hated that feeling.
”It’s not something I’m quite ready to make public, to put it simply.” she murmured. ”At least not at this time.” She pushed her plate away (along with the Klah. WHAT did people see in the stuff? Beyond that it kept tasting amazing lately. Which bothered her.) She stood up a bit quickly, wanting to get away from the large dining hall. She glanced at the eyes around the room. All the different riders, and weyrfolk. All watching her. She gave them a slight smile, as she walked out of the room, hoping V’ktor followed. And with rather predictable way, ended up on the Weyrhights. Private, and high. Most people besides the dragons themselves never came up here, except her. She liked it up here. She leaned against the wall, looking at the weyr hights across from her, where greens, blues, and red’s sunned, with browns, and black’s also claiming spots. There were Bronzes, and Silver’s as well, and one in particular, with a silver hide, covered in every color of flit there was. Carenath. And he was watching them. She glared at him, and the dragon’s head swung towards another dragon, as if to speak with it.
”Have you ever been in a situation where… You knew what you couldn’t do, but not what you could do?” she spoke only when she was sure he was there.
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Post by Flame on Jul 31, 2011 3:59:19 GMT -8
She didn’t notice the exchange with Remi, or Tan’er. Though she could feel the comfort from both of her dragons. They both cooed in their weyr, watching with their odd eyes. Lokin was thankful he’d followed. ”Then you’d say no.” she replied to his first set of words. She was right there. She knew that.
And then again with the you can tell me anything. She closed her eyes. Come on harper. It’s just three words. Three simple words. Ok, so I’m With Child were pretty hard to say but still. She took little comfort from the hard rock she was leaning against. ”I’m with child.” there, see? Not that bad. She hadn’t noticed that she’d started to shake. Of course now she had to finish it. ”And it’s yours.” she felt cliché.
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Post by Flame on Jul 31, 2011 18:18:58 GMT -8
She started when he spoke. What. She closed her eyes tighter, not liking the sound of that word. Then she jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her, and essentially keep her from going anywhere. She only felt her shaking get worse, even as he spoke. Though she did lean against him, but it didn’t stop the tears. ”I-I… was sc-c-ared.” stupid stutter. She tried to take a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Didn’t really work.
”H-how w-was I s-s-sapposed t-to know h-how you’d-d r-react?” she wasn’t sobbing but her pent up emotions were getting in the way. And she was having trouble focusing. At all. She just leaned back, trying to just pay attention to him, and his breathing, but that was not working.
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Post by Flame on Jul 31, 2011 18:57:09 GMT -8
Lokin kept her eyes closed, listening to him speak. There was… something comforting about having him hold her, and make it so she couldn’t get away, and in her mind, nothing could get her either. Not exactly logical, but it helped calm her down. She was frustrated, usually she had more control than that. Then again, X’lan had mentioned that she’d been dealing with moodswings, and out of controlness. She’d done well to hide it. Except for now.
”I… don’t know.” she couldn’t make sence of her head, and what she was thinking, though she did know she wanted him to keep holding her. That she was sure of. At least for now. She opened her eyes as he spoke of trust. Asking her to let him in. to trust him. Could she? No.. more of a… would she. Would she trust him to not hurt her, as V’riy had, by not saying anything, and being confusing? So far… V’ktor had only shown support. ”I trust you… I’m… just… scared… I d-don’t know w-what t-to d-do.” and the tears were back. She felt herself start shaking again, this was not good for her or their baby. It really really wasn’t. She didn’t even notice the use of Their.
Dianath growled at the emotions filtering from hers, as did Athenath, both queen’s came to the weyr’s entrence, their eyes locke dup on the hights that V’ktor and Lokin were at.
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Post by Flame on Aug 1, 2011 6:10:41 GMT -8
Lokin listened to him, letting herself cry, though they were silent, they still made her shake. She’d been broken before, this was nothing compaired to it, but it still hurt. And she just let herself cry, hiding her face against his chest. It didn’t take long for her to cry herself out. She felt the comfort from her twins, and that helped. Their constant contact.
Quietly, Dianath reached out to touch V’ktor’s mind. Weyrleader. She need a father for that baby. And neither I nor my sister are willing to go between long enough for her to loose it. If you don’t take care of her, I will sit on you and sadrith. You hear me? there was anger at the last three words, coloring her golden voice a bit red, she would protect hers. She may not be the Sr. Queen, but she wasn’t controlled by her twin either. She was the one queen who could stop her twin from doing something stupid (and vice versa)
Lokin felt herself start to hic-up, and tried to hold her breath against it. Only made them worse. ”Stupid hic *hic* ups.” she muttered as she tried to just breath normally. It took a few moments before she was able to get rid of them. ”Thank you.” she didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t look up at him either. She found that his chest was nice and warm.
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Post by Flame on Aug 1, 2011 16:43:13 GMT -8
Dianath felt the bronze intrude, and she relaxed fully, moving back into the weyr, with Athenath close behind. Sadrith? When he’s less… pissy, tell him I trust him with that the gold suddenly spun around, and launched herself out of the weyr, and down into the pens of the weyrbowl, eating easily, relaxed now, and sending calming emotions to her rider. Trying to calm her down.
Lokin leaned against V’ktor, taking the comfort he was giving. She looked up as he lifted her chin. She listened, trying to figure out why his smile was worried.”Alright… I will.” She was managing to keep her breathing even, though she was unsure, and rather scared. She wasn’t sure why either.
She reached out and touched Athenath’s mind. The dragon was sleeping, and quite comfortably. Then V’ktor was speaking again. She pulled her attention back to him. ”I never said I wanted you gone. Why does everyone assume that I want you gone?” she asked, her annoyance coming out in what could be considered a whine. Though it was more confused.
Then he brushed his lips against her forehead. She was distracted by that, and almost wasn’t able to answer. She looked up at him again. Her blue eyes trying to understand what was going on in his. She nodded. ”You promise you won’t go? Or disappear, or be confusing?” she asked, hoping that he’d tell her that he’d stay there, and help her.
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Post by Flame on Aug 2, 2011 5:33:48 GMT -8
His chuckle brought a small smile on the small woman’s lips, Though it flitted away quickly. ”I never said once that I hated any of you. All of you seemed to assume that. Though I didn’t appreciate you being here.” she muttered, feeling annoyed. He wasn’t the only one to say she’d hatted them. Z’law seemed to keep saying that. She’d never ever said it. Though she guessed she must have implied it. In her thought’s she’d missed his idiocy with the eyebrows.
”Good.” was all she said as she leaned her head against his chest again, trying to get herself to fully relax. She doubted she’d be able to though. Even in her sleep she felt tence, at least lately. She glanced up just intime for him to kiss her nose. She jerked her head back in surprise. ”hey!” she reached up with one hand to rub at the now slightly wet nose.
She nodded her head at his words. ”Then don’t leave.” she murmured.
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Post by Flame on Aug 2, 2011 19:45:52 GMT -8
Some how… for Lokin, staying in his arms was… safe. She knew nothing would hurt her here. And that she didn’t have to be Lokin the Weyrwoman, but just Lokin. She could be herself, and not worry that someone was watching. She closed her eyes, reveling in that. And his words did bring a big smile to her face.
”Thank you V’ktor.” security. That’s what she needed. And even if V’riy did love her… he hadn’t shown it. She needed word, and actions. Not small things. Not when she had so much to pay attention to, so much to watch, and take care of. Maybe it was petty of her, but she couldn’t keep track of everything. And this… this felt right to her. More right than V’riy, though she doubted she’d ever stop loving him. There was something in him she needed. Something insane about him. But that was neither here nor there.
She brought her attention back to v’ktor just as he kissed her, and she leaned into it, returning the kiss, and enjoying herself. She was breathless when she pulled away, and she was smiling still. She looked up at him, trying to memorize his face. ”I think it’s later than lunch, and we’ve probably got the Weyr curious as to where we are.”
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Post by Flame on Aug 3, 2011 11:50:08 GMT -8
Lokin nodded a little. ”I’ve been… secretive.” she got a bit of a snarl from Dianath. A quick emotional discution happened, and it was over quickly, as they got near the way back inside the weyr. She grinned at his gallantry. It was nice to know that some people could still be polite.
She stepped through the door way, and made a b-line for the Dining room. She was hungry. Again. Like usual. She saw that her plate and cup where gone, and she made a slight face. Of course now all she wanted was eggs, and juice (thank the egg). She moved back into line. Plus the food would have been cold. She got the eggs she wanted, as well as the sweet juice before moving back to her table, sitting down next to Remi. ”I have something I want to tell you… but later…”
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Post by Flame on Aug 4, 2011 6:19:47 GMT -8
Lokin rolled her eyes, not even giving him an answer to his first comment. It didn’t matter anyways. She just… needed help. She knew she couldn’t do it alone, but she wasn’t sure how to ask. There hadn’t ever been a class on how to ask the man that the rest of your weyr hate’s to help you with your shared baby. She shook her head at THAT idea.
She glared at him. ”I ate most of that pickle. Plus eggs are more nutrisious.” she caught sight of X’lan as he came over and sat down next to V’ktor, glancing between them. She nodded. He grinned. Though he didn’t say anything as he started to eat a meat pie, smirking to himself. She was going to strangle the hansom healer. She seriously was. And he knew it.
”Hope you are doing well Weyrleader.” the healer said easily, a smile on his face. Lokin decided to ignore him. ”Z’law won’t. If he h asn’t figured it out then he’s not paying attention.” she knew the twins couldn’t block him, so he had to hear, but then again, he’d been dealing with Fenris’ clutch, Which was wonderful. He was debating giving her an egg. She wasn’t sure she needed one. She smiled at V’ktor as she spoke.
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